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another secret untold; TRUST ME.
Posted 29 Mar 2008 // 7:26 am
secret revealed(part 1)..knowing the truth usually makes someone feel alot better but it does not work out for me.instead it hurts me alot more.the saying goes; a secret never remain a secret forever.a liar will never escape 'without a trail'.it existed still.at times i know,in life we might be a victim to situation.we are left with no choice, we had 1 and that is the only one.so, we go on.only to realise years later, that the choice made was wrong.not totally wrong but a part of it was never right.but again, we do not have an alternative then. if that is the situation you are in, ask yourself, what will you do now? i may not live in this unfair world that long enough, but stages in life teaches me lessons, taught me valuable life stories that i am proud to learn from. however, to look at others who live alot longer than i do, but fail to respond like a young girl like me did, is ridiculous. i am not trying to say that i know everything but at least, my mum taught me to be wise. you do not have to be smart, but being wiser makes you a better individual. i am not a straight As student. i am neither a goody-girl. i failed many times in life in many aspect. i am not someone with a whole lot of experience named it from 'A-Z' but the least i have is i learn from my own mistakes and observe real close the revolution of the outside world.theres a whole lot more to discover. secret revealed(part 2).. more than 1 month has past since the news came to my ears(proven true by him). but till this very moment you left me waking up each day hoping for an answer from you. how long more should i wait. how long more do you want to keep hurting me. how long more would you not want to let go of me. i deserve a life of my own. now that i have love you and you have hurt me, please atleast help me sort this out and lead me the right way. u played the game with her, u drag me in the picture, shit happen and among the 3 of us, the one hurt most is me. so, is that fair enough? yes, i can remain bubbly, happy and joyful physically. i can put an act infront of everyone else and prove to others i am a-ok. my feelings? have you ever put yourselves in this humble shoes of mine. i cannot remain frowing. i do not want people to keep asking me 'r u ok?' and stuff like that. it gets frustrating & tiring the more you heard of all that. people around me gave different judgement. some are helpful, some tried to be 'helpful'. it pisses me off, really. if i can shout to them the most rude word i could ever think of and make them shut up and never speak again, i would have done it. secret revealed(part 3).. now that i have been waiting for long & my hopes are like dying soon, a new feeling suddenly came by. i felt like i am being 'used' by you. it is that bad. i am a woman. i have my pride, i have self-respect but what you are doing to me makes me feel like ive lost all that. u make me feel so low of myself. do you know that it is hard to fight this feeling and it requires a very high self-esteem to do so. now you see..you put me in the 'game'..you 'challenge' me..you make me fight the 'battle' and now i feel like i have to withstand my 'power' against you, against everyone who knows what happen to me. how cool?? thanks. if my story seem more complicated than anything else you ladies could think of. in summary. MY BOYFRIEND HAS A GIRLFRIEND, WHOM HE MET MUCH EARLIER THAN ME.IT WAS JUST A MONTH AGO THAT I KNEW ABOUT HIM. STILL, HE ASK ME TO STAY COZ HE TOLD ME HE NEED TO DECIDE BETWEEN THE TWO OF US. I GAVE HIM TIME. BUT, TILL THIS DATE, NO DEFINITE ANSWER FROM HIM, HE KEPT ON PROMISING, HE IS NOT LETTING ME LEAD A PROPER LIFE, HE STILL CONTACT THAT WOMAN AND I HOPE HE REALISE THAT HE IS LYING TO ME AGAIN & AGAIN. still, i am being so nice to him. true everyone says, i am too-good-to-be-true. that no matter how hard i was 'step on the head', i remain ignorant. how bad could that me. i pity myself.alot. another secret untold; trust me. more to come. *i know and i feel that, she still exist between us. ps: tell me if i am no longer needed. |
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