Personal Glory Last Forever

i couldnt put myself to sleep last night. my health has not been right lately. my migraine keeps coming back. i dont know why but it has been quite frequent lately. no matter how i try to relax my body, calm my mind, still it just wont go away. i hate to eat medicine. i do not want to get 'hook' to my drug. the drug that my doctor gave me is very strong. there are certain limits to how many tabs i can eat per week/ per day. i can only eat it when i really need it, the doctor says. but usually when someone feels like he/she is falling sick, he tends to rely on the drug hoping the pain wont come. which i find is no good.

yesterday i text dear. i tell him that i feel like i have been lying to myself alot all this while. there are certain things that do not please me. i hate to put myself in a situation where i am force to fake a smile. work. yes, i have been telling almost everyone around me that i was happy with work. actually, NO, i am not.

i do not like the feeling of having to stuck in the office 8-5. doing non other than the routine administrative work. is that life for? it is not at all challenging and not fun. life seem to be monotonous. moving the same pace at every minute for the same reason; to earn. yes, money may be the first thing in the world that keeps oneself contented and confident to face the future. but working just for the sake of earning is a bad practice. my personally point of view that is. however it still depends on individual. i am sure the majority of Singaporean work just to earn a decent income. they work to get a stable income. that is just it.

i am sure if i were to go around asking if they are happy with what they are doing. i will only get the minority to say yes while the rest say they have no choice. rest assured. life in Singapore has been tough. the standard of living has rise, almost at its peak i should say.

in short, my feelings are telling me to do something new. to sit and think over my life. i do not see life has doing the same old routine over and over again. my week break from my previous job is insufficient for me to really think over my life.

love has been my best supporter all along other than mum. both of which are my pillar of strength. dad is still ok but he is more into the traditional way of life. i suppose it is final, i should start thinking hard over things.

another start of a new week but i am not at all excited.